Learning The Difference Between Therapy & Trauma Coaching
One of the biggest reasons that you might choose trauma coaching instead of a therapist is that often people have had negative experiences with therapy.
Because there are so many specialties for therapists to choose, finding the right therapist can be difficult. Especially if you’re well-read and have spent a lifetime reading self-help books, watching YouTube videos, and exploring your mind’s depths finding someone who understands you can become even more challenging
Even now that trauma-informed care is an option, only some therapists choose to extend their education to include trauma. I still recall the first few times I saw a therapist. There was a total of 4 times in the late 1990s during my marriage. One experience was almost comical and the other one was mostly pleasant. At the time, my repressed memories had not sprung up to surprise me yet so I was only in therapy talking about the relevant events of the moment.
The Moment I Wished I’d Chosen A Trauma Coach
The next time I tried therapy was about six years ago. I was truly in crisis having lost two friends within weeks of one another, and then having a third traumatic event on top of that, during my “normal” seasonal depression. The reality is that many people approach therapy at a time when they are already in a downward spiral – making it even more important that you find a coach or therapist who’s a great fit for you.
This time, when I really needed help and guidance was the one that failed me. I am aware now what a blessing this was but I truly would not wish this on anyone. The therapist in this case had me do a verbal intake starting with my childhood trauma all the way to ‘what brought me in today.’. I became so dysregulated during the session that I cried uncontrollably for the next six hours.
Over the next several weeks I had several experiences with her that I ended up going outside of my insurance to a person in Canada who specialized in somatic practices – more on this later.
We’ll just call this other person “The Bad Therapist,” for the sake of clarity. In my next session with The Bad Therapist, she diagnosed me, toward the end of the second session. She decided that I had Major Depressive Disorder with some markers for PTSD, but not all. I don’t have nightmares, but I do have emotional flashbacks, so maybe I should’ve just checked the box.
I purchased a book between sessions 2 and 3 and when I saw her next she was infuriated that I had purchased reading materials without first asking her. She informed me that we would be using her suggested materials only. I was honestly floored and felt like I was being spoken to like a child.
I have always and will always read whatever I want to read, thank you very much. In this same session, she spent a great deal of time talking about herself and her surgery that she was going through, on top of being late because she was making herself some tea. Mind you, we did end on time – and as for me, well, I get to spill the tea. She should be grateful I don’t remember her name.
I may have had one more session with her, I honestly don’t recall, because at this point I could put her on my Trauma Timeline as a traumatic event. Pardon my dark humor, it’s a trauma response.
Thankfully in the next chapter of the story, I had my first experience with a somatic therapist. With her, I was not encouraged to talk and talk about my past events, but instead checking in with the body and feeling what we feel. Somatic techniques worked wonderfully for me and I talk about them frequently in my books and podcast.
So let’s really get to it – why would someone choose coaching over therapy?
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It’s private.
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You are not looking for a diagnosis, you want to feel better.
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You are not looking for medication, you want to process the emotion.
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You want tools that you can use forever so that you don’t have to rely on going to sessions all the time.
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You might be uncomfortable in therapy, or you might just want to add to your own knowledge.
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You can talk about specific events if you need to, but it’s never forced. That’s an old model that I do not use.
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To learn to regulate your nervous system, so that you’re not at the mercy of every emotion that comes up.
UGH Childhood Stuff, who wants to talk about that?
Literally nobody – and what’s this inner child bs that everyone wants me to talk about? What if I don’t have an inner child?
Let me clear this up for you. Your ‘inner child’ can more accurately be called your limbic brain. The limbic brain is what many people refer to as the reptilian brain, but more accurately it’s your fight or flight response. Your brain moves between different states while you are awake. The sympathetic and parasympathetic states. Parasympathetic is often called the “rest and digest” state. This is also the state you enter when you go for a walk, or exercise, and are generally relaxed. The sympathetic state is your survival state. If you’ve ever been through any shocking event you might remember feeling like:
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You couldn’t think straight.
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You can’t remember anything.
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Your breathing and heart rate go up, your armpits sweat, your hands might go numb or cold.
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Your shoulders are up next to your ears.
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You shut down, numb out, can’t talk about it – or the opposite:
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You scream and yell and act out of control
Well, guess what? All of this is normal, but it’s not fun for you or for those around you and if it happens too often or if you have compound grief (multiple losses at once) you can get stuck in fight, flight, freeze or fawn, also known as people pleasing.
Eventually, you may have unexplained aches and pains and the doctor has told you nothing is wrong.
Test this out for me: when you read the words, ‘Relax your face, jaw, and eyes’ did you yawn? If you did, that’s a somatic response and we’ve just activated your vagus nerve – and mine!
I am a natural learner, teacher, and storyteller. I love learning and teaching others what I’ve learned. Coaching with me is a lot like this blog – we will talk about real things and real examples, and then I will show you what you can do to move the energy. I will not be forcing you to tell me every detail of your past, but we can do that if that is what’s needed on your side. It’s your journey and I am just a guide.
This information would’ve changed my life had I found it 20 years ago, so now my goal is to share it with as many people as possible, whether through my TikTok videos, through blogs or my digital courses. I want everyone to have a big sigh of relief – because our healing matters.
To schedule your free consultation or first session please visit:
To purchase a digital course: https://mariacolomy.setmore.com/
Maria is a certified Trauma Support Specialist and a trauma survivor, coach and author.
